Not sure what to think of this, really. How do you feel? Because I feel fine. I’d rather write about things I know well, anyway. If I am not well-rounded on the idea of Happiness then why should I discuss it? I’d rather not make a fool out of myself, like the rest of the population, talking about things I have no knowledge of. It isn’t that I dislike discussing Happiness but what is that? Besides, I have thought about it, conceptually, and it had not struck me as essential—but of course, that does wholly depends on a person’s idea of purpose. Because, if one upholds a Purposeless Mantra, with the only motivation to return to an inorganic state, then—shrugs.
I’m going to give and give and give until the day I cease to exist. That will be my only obligation. To become a tree, even though at the moment, I am nothing but water and river and everything just slips through. Nobody can hold me, nobody can save me—and I’m fine with that. It isn’t about me anyway, and no matter what everybody says, I will continue to make sure it can never be about me. I’m going to save the entire world, shed a comforting light until the day I diminish. I may not be able to save everyone, because the world is on its way down, but at least I’ll be one of the first ones to try—for its own sake, not for mine.
x|L|uaI (Limbic); INFP; mOxI|D| (Depressive); Type 4w5
idealist, complex, perceptive, prescient, observant, intense, creative, anti-status quo, seeks out the patterns of the universe, has take frequent stands in the face of strong opposition, revolutionary, their ideas sometimes surprise people, does things others find strange, obscure, ambivalent of the rules, solitary, highly intellectual, non-conformist, peculiar, considered to be eccentric by others, artistic, prefers to dress down (hide attractiveness), existentially depressed, problem solver, overly kind natured, trusting, helpful at the expense of self, knowledgable, curious, synthesizer, enjoys games of strategy, questioner, inventive, familiar with the role of victim, wounded at the core, abstract, often aware how the color and lighting of a room affects their mood, lives life on own terms, alternative, experimental, observer, neglects self, looks for hidden patterns, philosophical, seeks meaning, good at coming up with something new, has a vivid imagination, radical, discordant thinker, atypical, idiosyncratic, likes losing self in things, has love/hate relationships with most things, thinks the world is a dangerous place, relates to broken and discarded things, searches for identity, hangs out mostly with other intellectuals, seeks wholeness through isolation, relies more on mind than others, values personal privacy above personal relationships, hard to get to know, emotionally numb, has suicidal thoughts and/or impulses, feels like they are just surviving, likes to get lost in thought, feels attracted to the mysterious, good at making impromptu speeches, prefers variety to routine, spontaneous, mystical, loner, attracted to things associated with sadness, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, feels defective, prone to lateness, likes esoteric things, frequently losing things, prone to sadness, prone to dreaming about a rescuer, easily distracted, does not like crowds, private, familiar with the darkside, more influenced by self than others, hermit, can sabotage self, likes the rain, sometimes can’t control fearful thoughts, prone to crying, prone to regret, attracted to the counter culture, can be submissive, prone to feeling discouraged, not always prepared, often gets victimized, unable to speak up for self, can be pessimistic, easily hurt, does not keep emotions under control, can’t do anything when they don’t feel good, bitter, sabotages self, more doubt than belief, more past than future, desires security and support, fears being without guidance, inclined to do the opposite of what others want them to do, hypersensitive, defensive, dependent on the support and nurturance of others, more feeling than doing, more likely to want a tattoo, prefers to stick with things they know, more likely to have taken anti depressants, has trouble speaking when emotional, depressed, withdrawn, easily frightened, no self confidence, avoids crowds, easily intimidated, socially unskilled, prone to health problems, focuses on fantasies more than reality, self loathing, becomes overwhelmed by events, fearful, rarely prepared, fears doing the wrong thing, feels untalented, quiet around strangers, prone to addiction, doubting, anxious, easily confused, frequently overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, weak sense of purpose, unsure where life is going, continually losing things, fears drawing attention to self, avoids unnecessary interaction, often bored, second guesses self, embarrassed by praise, worrying, resigned, introverted, feels invisible, does not make friends easily, can be nihilistic, reveals little about self, fragile, dark, pervasive feeling that something is missing inside them, has identity issues, feels undesirable, dislikes leadership, reclusive, weird, unassertive, phobic, suspicious, bad at saving money, does not like to stand out, dislikes large parties, daydreamer, does not feel they have any reason to accomplish anything, values loyalty, does not like happy people, poor self image, afraid to show it when they like some one, aversion to physical contact, somewhat asexual, limits social interaction because it’s draining, does not express emotions easily, anhedonic, wants to be as independent from society as possible, drawn to careers where creativity is a solitary pursuit, most people think they are crazy, bohemian, feels like they lose a sense of self when the agree with people, novelty seeking, grew up feeling that they had to stand out to be happy, odd, trend setter, different, more likely to be vegetarian, both special and defective, ideal love seeking, imaginative, introspective, likes indie rock music, prone to an interest in acting, likes art house movies, interested in journalism, more humanitarian, more likely to pursue higher academia, offbeat sense of humour, feels lost, frequently unhappy for no particular reason, feels trapped in body, feels like no one really knows them, doesn’t trust their own judgement, feels like an outsider, has exaggeratedly negative beliefs about self, feels people would not like them if they really knew them, hides who they really are from others
They made it sound terrifying. I promise it isn’t this horrific all the time—most times I’m not even sure if I’m sad or neutral. They are almost the same thing anyway. Although often times, the ache is far more than enough to last a lifetime, to fuel the dying fires of myself and anybody else who wishes to so much as try as warm their hands—I suppose that it’ll have to do.