Letter to the Living

Hello, my name is Boo, and I plan to save humanity from itself.

During the twenty years of my life, I suffered from four different mental illnesses, was handed from doctors to doctors. My life was littered with hospitals, stalkers, physical assaults, more hospitals, media play, and a couple of suicide attempts.

I used to dance and sing, having been misled to believe that to succeed in life, I’d have to beat my way into the limelight. “You’re a fast learner but you are lagging behind!” they said. “Pathetic. Focus.” That was what life was like for years. And school was (“You psycho!”) just as great…

Reality’s more tragic a story than any greek mythology, and I wish I had known that, that somebody had told me something, but instead what did I get? Disney cartoons and fairy tales with princes in shining armours.

What we should’ve been told

We do not live long enough to mature; our lives are eternity compressed into seconds. We were lead to believe that what we are is all we can be: a disappointment, perhaps, a life with no soul, some might even think they are unloved, and the saddest part is, more actually are.

People like to call criminals ‘monsters’ when they commit absurd crimes. And that’s why we never learn. We do everything do discriminate criminals, as if the more we do the less likely they’ll turn out to be non-human. But here’s the thing:

The most evil man is just that — a man.

We’re as capable of becoming monsters as the next killer on TV. In fact, most monsters don’t even know that they are monsters. Knowing this helped me from my further spiral down hatred and grudge holding; we are only human.

So when life is a fissure raking down the centre of your soul, we despair and try to abandon our lives, settle for a dull desk job, a constant routine we once swore not to cross. Some try to snuff out their heart’s yearning, misled to believe that their passion for greater is traitorous.

You know what? You are your own person, and you do not have to conform regardless of the lies society ingrained into you. So, why should you listen to me? Because you deserve to be the best of what you want to be, as opposed to the cookie-cut notions society shoves upon you.

Through half a decade of isolation and misery, this is what I have learned about myself: I have a strong will and more faith in humanity than I anticipated.

Why am I telling you all this? Because others will lie to you. People like to pretend the world hadn’t defiled them. Loved ones might even paint you fairytale canvases, and neighbours offer you misconceptions in a rose-tinted glass. In life, you’re going to meet sugarcoat junkies, deluded ‘grown ups’ who sweep the world’s horrors under carpets, then smile at you to mask the shatter in their eyes; not for you, but for them.

Others won’t even bother. If they are powerful enough and cruel enough, they will crush you because they are having a bad day. In fact, some may already have tried. We are, after all, in a society that cripples people and then punished them for limping.

No matter what you decide to do with your life, understand this:

You are no lesser than the people who try to bring you down. We can both be young and old, wise and foolish, for Maturity does not equate to age; Grown Ups are not necessarily Mature nor Wise. There is no Child nor Adult; there are only those who are willing to learn, and those who are not.

Question: If you have to pick someone who understands the term ‘shit happens’ the most thoroughly, who would it be?

I’m picking myself. Not because I’m trying to play victim, but because I spent all my life trying to understand it, in addition to dealing with it.

The Good News

I no longer am a forced-medicated zombie, enduring the severe side-effects of antidepressants and such. My past illnesses will not define me; they were a trigger for change. I am my own person now, all thanks to the hardships I have endured as well as those who once suffered because of me (and vice versa).

Empathy, altruism and a prescient mind — things I once despised about myself — became my best assets. I am driven to better humanity, understand it and continue to help people as life continue to teach me to learn and grow.

The Moral of the Story:

You are your own person. Being who you want to be is your birthright; you are allowed to chase your dreams, to love yourself, to be a kind soul even when the rest of the world is cruel.

When tragedies stalk you, when people hurt you, what you got to do is shove love back at them twice harder (do it until they drown in the very thing they hate). We should all be sickeningly soft-hearted because, hey, only hard hearts break.

Last, it is okay to fall and crawl sometimes — that is how we learn to stand.

Love,
Boo

 

3 Comments

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  1. hello! oh god.
    i’ve been reading your blog since one or two months ago. your thoughts are lovely. excuse the weird choice of words though, i suck at forming sentences properly idk haha. i read almost all of your posts though, stalked your blog because i found it very interesting.
    this post is really cute. i’m in school and i got teary-eyed because of this post wowie. first of all, i’m sorry for all you’ve been through and i’m glad that you are the way you are now. you’re very beautiful for the way you think. thank you for writing all the posts and especially this post and some other personal favorites. good luck on life, after all your life will be more than twenty years. and you have to especially work hard if you want to see the better of humanity, yeah? good luck, really really. and thank you very much.
    i’m sorry to talk so much even if i’m a stranger and a silent reader haha.

    • hello,
      thank you so much alex! i’ve been putting off replying because i didn’t know how to thank you.
      s’pose this is the day i face the demons and brave to answer. haha, thank you so much for following up on my blog although i’ve been lacking in consistency!
      everybody can be beautiful, not to sound cliche or anything. i’m sorry i almost made you cry! again, thank you so much for the encouragement, i really appreciate it. <3 and no worries! people are all strangers to each other one point in time!
      best,
      boo

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