Writing Words I Don’t Mean

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What have I been up to?

Writing things I do not necessarily mean for the sake of meeting deadlines and good grades. The return to studying is taking so much of my time that I have not been able to get my own writing done. I feel restless and anxious with this constant darkness at my back, this fear of time running out. I am constantly nagged by my own ambition that I am not living up to my full potential.

These past few months, there are times where I wonder if I made the right choice choosing Keele instead of UEA. Am I wasting my time in this foundation programme? Would UEA have been able to cultivate my skills more efficiently? For the former, I’m not sure. For the latter, probably.

These doubts which cloud over my life tend to linger in the back of my mind, very far back because that is where I have pushed them.

I cannot afford to regret. One step forward, twos steps back — I simply do not have the time for this unproductive behaviour. I must move forward because that is where the future is. That is where I must go.

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